I know I won’t live forever. At least not on earth. As I grow older I’m always looking to achieve the next best thing. Whatever that is. At twenty six, I am not where I thought I would be. But in the defense of younger me, the world was supposed to have ended by the time I was twenty. I mean, come on, all those years? I was supposed to be a kid forever. I guess time didn’t get the memo. So, here I am making serious life decisions. Being one of those ‘uncool, boring’ grown ups. Never having the time to just live. Always worrying about where the money for this and that will come from. Never stopping to think about the blessings I have. Always hurrying to decide what I should be doing to increase my ‘value’ and my worth. Never satisfied. Always exhausted.
I miss the simplicity of my childhood. The assurance I had that everything would be okay as long as those I love are around me. Never having to worry about meals, or rent or bills or anything. These were taken care of. I used to wonder why adults couldn’t spend their money on fun things like icecream and candy. I was so sure I was gonna be a ‘different’ kind of adult. A cool one. The kind that buys chocolate at every store visit, (Haha! I can’t remember the last time I ate chocolate!). My kids were gonna have the best parent in the world!! The only candy my adult self is enjoying is Candy Crush. Yeah. The game. But what did I know about boring adults and coolness?
I will have truly lived when I manage to find the balance between the child and the adult in me. To live inspite of the chaos. To take a moment to appreciate the things I used to notice. To know when to be serious and when to goof off. I think forevers on earth are just a balancing act.